the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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