trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
