In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
