i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
50% drunk capacity currently
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
