but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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