We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
