it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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