I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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