I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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