So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
