i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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