Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
