I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
