I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
