hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
