Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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