is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
