They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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