You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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