my mouth tastes like poor choices
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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