does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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