She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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