i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
