I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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