9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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