I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
