smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
