Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
