guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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