I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
