Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
