I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All the doctor said was why
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
