small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
