She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
