I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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