She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Swine flu is the new snow day.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
