I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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