She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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