Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
