I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
