May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
