She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
