your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
