The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
