I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
