Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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