i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
