I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
