Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
