gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
