So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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