Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
