i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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