Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
