Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
