He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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