I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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