I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
