I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
