I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize