Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
