i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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