I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
