I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
