My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
