Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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