I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
