You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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