If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
