and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
