you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
